I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
