im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
