this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
