Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
