When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
