I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
