My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
