she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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