Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
