Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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