hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
