When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
