id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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