i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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