She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
