just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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