dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
