She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
