I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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