Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
