haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
