come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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