2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
