i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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