Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
