Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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