yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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