I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
