Already got asked if we're dating
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
