his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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