She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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