My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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