He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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