one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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