He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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