after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
