dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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