You just made me feel so damn special
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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