Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
