Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize