Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
