from now on my penis is your penis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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