dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Too much gin, very little bucket
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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