he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
