My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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