I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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