Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
