Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
