That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
