Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
