i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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