how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
