Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
