I think I just saw someone hide a body.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
