a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
