I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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