I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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