Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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