the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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