i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
