There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He felt like a one man threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
