Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
