Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
