i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
