So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
