Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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