ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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