The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
