Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my being single is dangerous.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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