i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
