We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
