i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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